and i remember everything.  that wedding thing really makes my stupid heart ache. 

ha!  why am i limiting myself from writing when i am perfectly confident that only dream_smasher knows my true identity  (this is likewise a reminder dream_smasher that you better be good to me, hehe).

anyway, for purposes of reading something when i am 50 years old na or when i have mastered the courage of sharing  this to my two boys and my husband, i will continue.

i dreamt of my wedding.  i dont want any event coordinator to meddle simply because it was by all accounts my big day.  i wrote the programme.  i wrote the misalette.  i made the design of the invitation.  i bought chimes and dressed them with cute doves/figurine couple... i stop now because i am only punishing myself.  two years have passed and let bad memories be lessons in life and nothing more period.

so confirming that i cant talk about it because:  a.  very agonizing experience; b.  just tired of typing;  c.  be elusive, indefinite and uncertain of my feelings;  d. none of the above;  e.  (what i fear most) all of the above.